The first trick of family dinner is getting the family together. We tryย to eat around the same time each night, and at the same place (aroundย our dining room table). I think consistency is key. Kids donโt eat atย the kitchen counter, or up in their rooms. Even if you arenโt hungry,ย you still join the family at the dinner table.
This was a phrase my mother invented, and she used it often at ourย dinner table when I was growing up. Dinner time is sacred, and only niceย things are said at the table. You may want to remind your son to cleanย up his room, but wait until after dinner. Siblings donโt bicker, parentsย donโt lecture. The table is a safe place.
For adults this means: No newspapers. No magazines. No phones. Noย laptops, etc. For kids: No legos or other toys. No books. No homework.ย If the phone rings, just let it ring. (This rule is sometimes harder for
the adults than the children!)
We use our best manners at the table. We say please and thank you. Weย ask for things instead of just grabbing them. Dinnertime is the perfectย place to teach children the correct way to behave at meals, in fact my
mom used to read us a page from Miss Manners during dinner each night.
Granted this may not be necessary if you donโt have small children, butย all four on the floor refers to the legs of your chair: All four legsย need to remain on the floor at all times. Itโs hard to have aย conversation with someone who is rocking back and forth as they eat (andย my kids need to be reminded a few times each meal).
So you donโt like broccoli, thatโs okay. Forcing kids to eat food theyย hate is a game I donโt enjoy playing. But we do ask our kids to try aย bit of everything on the table, it can just be a bite or two. I wantย them to learn to be polite about food, and learn to try things that seemย a little scary.
The dinner table is a great place to talk about all the busy details ofย your day, but not the place to YELL about it. We need to remind our 5-year-old Bee about this quite frequently, as she often has exciting newsย to report. Weโre all for talking, but it needs to be with a quiet voice.
One of the requirements of dinner at our house is โHigh and Lowโ. Weย take a minute to go around the table and everyone shares their highย point and low point of the day. I love hearing about the kids highย points, but the low points are even more interesting.. they share thingsย I sometimes wouldnโt hear about any other way. Often someone doesnโtย have a low point to share, in that case, you share two high points.
Itโs hard to spend an hour making dinner and then hear a chorus of โButย I donโt like shrimp!โ I try to make dinners I know my kids will want toย eat, but I also like to try new things, which means that every once in a while, dinner is a flop. Weโre trying to teach our kids to be kind to theย person who made dinner, so we ask them to keep quiet, eat the thingsย they like at the table, and if theyโre still hungry after dinner theyย can grab a slice of bread or some fruit to hold them over untilย breakfast.
The person who cooks is never left alone to clean up. The kids clearย their plates as they leave the table, and everyone grabs a few moreย things and takes them into the kitchen. Lately weโve been trying to washย the dishes really quickly so we have time for a walk around theย neighborhood after dinner. Good motivation to get dinner cleaned up soย we can get out the door.
Do you have rules at your house for dinner? Iโd love to hear them, soย please share.
This is wonderful, I will have to bookmark this for the future. Thanks for sharing. ๐
These rules were basically exactly the rules my parents had growing up. A nice reminder for when I have kids of my own. ๐
With boys, I had to institute a โno burping or farting at the tableโ rule! We often played 20 questions, or other trivia games during dinner, not with a board or pieces, just something to get everyone (5 of us) involved in creative thinking or something educational and fun.
My children are now 21, 19 and 17. These were our rules for many, many years. We even did โHigh/Lowโ (although we didnโt have that great name for it). Not only did it get the conversation started, but it also gave us insight into what made these kids tick!
You should make a poster out of this. Iโd buy it!
I love the โOnly complements to the chefโ rule!
Although the notion of โrulesโ is not exactly appealing to me, the contents are just fantastic! so in spite of my reservations I may make these mine one day.
The really tricky thing here is to educate my husband firstโฆ My rules would be phrased something like: Not to make faces or sounds to less appealing food (I cannot tell how frustrated I feel when we have veggies salad or spinach pie and he moos), Not to flee the scene once the last bite was swallowed, Turn off the damned radio or tv already (fortunately we donโt own a telly, but he does glue his eyes when weโre eating with in-laws).
The high and lows sound really, really good to me. I didnโt have those growing up and my memories of family meals arenโt very exciting.
Thank you for sharing!!!
These are wonderful rules, I am going to implement the Four on the Floor tonight! Growing up the only two rules we had at the tables were 1) Two bites of everything on your plate and 2) No criticizing the chef (aka mom). those two rules have carried over to my dinner table with a few others (We have Best and Worst instead of High and Low) and they seem to work well.
Oh man, great stuffโฆWho can whip up a silkscreen poster of these? I want one! They are similar to what we ask for around our table, but the language is clear, kind and succinct.
Thank You!
We also have the rule/custom that in addition to not complaining about whatever mom and/or dad cooked, we always say a genuine โThank youโ to the chef(s) for cooking. Even my 2 year old son does it. Thanks for the great list.
I grew up with asking, โMay I please be excused.โ We struggle to enforce rules with the 2y.o. and even keeping technology away goes out the window when daddy is gone for days at a time, and is available to skype!
I love these rules and the simple powerful way you display them. Truly wonderful! I love the โOnly Compliments to the Chefโ rule. I sometimes find the chef himself/herself (since we both trade cooking) tends to be the most critical of the meal, and I try to bite my own tongue so I donโt model being critical to the kids.
Alison: I think if Daddy is only available via Skype that may be a valid reason to bend the โno distractionsโ rule.
No toys at the table has always been our unbending rule which fits in well with โNo distractions.โ But Iโll admit that my husband and I frequently have the NYTimes Sunday crossword between us at the table. In our defense, we get the kids involved with helping us figure out the answers. I figure if weโre all doing it together, maybe it doesnโt count as a distraction? And we could be raising a couple of crossword champs, in the bargain.
Great suggestions, all of them. So glad there is still a critical mass of people out there trying hard to have dinner together every night. Well done.
Maybe a silly question โ are you explicit with your kids that there are 10 dinner rules? or are these merely instructions that you repeat until they understand they are rules. We have a 2 1/2 year old and Iโm trying to figure out how you instill the fact that things are rulesโฆ. thanks!
I love #2. In my family growing up, we always ate together, but I donโt have warm fuzzy memories about it. I remember a lot of fighting, nagging & general discomfort. I like this rule because itโs an hour or so out of the day when everyone can be pleasant and have no worries ๐ Hopefully, when I have kids, their memories will be better ones ๐
Loved this. Displayed them to my family tonight right after we talked about our โhighs and lowsโ.
She is really cute, I agree. I love her dadโs blog as well. Check it out if you havenโt already. He is doing a great job reminding us all to eat a little healthier each day in such a kind way.
We have a lot of those same rules at our home as well. We have three kids so one of our rules is that we have to respect everyoneโs favorites. If we have Daisyโs favorite meal every night, that doesnโt leave room for Kyleโs, Abbieโs or even Mommy or Daddy. Someone is always not going to love the favorite of someone else but we have to be respectful and all get a chance to enjoy our favorites. Sadly, Mommy doesnโt run a restaurant.
This is just what our family needs. I often lecture during dinner, get upset when I hear โyuckโ or โI HATEโ something, and my husband tunes us all out and reads the paper or a book.
I think we might have some changes at the dinner table next week.
We raised 4 kids and my husbandโs rule was โYou donโt have to like it, you just have to eat it.โ (akin to your take a taste of everything rule). Turns out our adult kids are much more adventurous eaters than weโ they introduce us to new foods now.
Similar rules at our house, but this makes me want to print them out and post them for all to see!
Great rules! My Dad never let us eat until my Mom was seated at the table. He said (correctly), that it was rude to begin eating until everyone was seated at the table. Besides, we ate so fast we would have been done by the time Mom sat down! I think this is an important rule, that I try to implement in our house as well.
I love these, and I would also buy a copy in poster format! Iโm in total agreement with Julia about not fleeing the scene! One of our major rules is that no one starts eating until everyone is at the table.
wonderful post. these are all common/unwritten rules in our house โ nice to have them written down (Iโve never done this) and with a 12,11 and 7 yr old I feel like a broken record sometimes. Love #9. And right there buried in #9, my other issue. When they donโt like dinner as much, they can pick bread, fruit, but what I have more often now is hunger right before bedtime โ not when I want them to eat. I say no to food right before bed but then I feel awful. Maybe its a different topic, Any tips here?
maria โ I was against eating before bedtime, but my husband let it slide so I did too. we agreed that a banana or a cup of cottage cheese was fine and then he has to brush his teeth!
Maria, sometimes our dinner is quite a while before bedtime or I realize that the kids really did not โloveโ what I made so they did not get very full. If they do ask for something before bed then Iโll only offer unexciting things like yogurt or banana. I try to think of how hard itโd be for me to sleep with a little bit of a hungry tummy.