What Iโm reading this week:
What if You Just Hate to Cook Dinner?ย Virginia Heffernan, mother of two, poses the question โWhy is food such a big part of raising children?โ then proceeds to discuss the condescending language in family cookbooks, including mine.ย I have a fair amount Iโd like to say about this essay, but for now, Iโm going to do my mom proud and save it for the burn book I keep in the back of my sock drawer. I do feel the need, however, to address two things that I simply can not let pass. FIRST: The suggestion that I have ever implied, in my books or on this blog, that family dinner should fall entirely on moms. Wow. Where do I begin with this one? Maybe with theย 100+ postsย my husband has written for this blog, all of which address his day-to-day dinner-making for our daughters, from theย post-soccer-practice scramble, toย Friday-night Stromboliย to hisย Pork Raguย recipe that people bring up with me over and over again, including, last month, someone sitting next to me on a planeย who I had never met before. (People, itโs that good.)ย I guess I could also point to the โFamily Dinner Boot Campโ series I did for Motherlode, the theme of which could be summarized as: โAll in.โ From the beginning, this blog has been about a return to the kitchen that involves everyone, including the kids who may or may not remember to set the table. If you find joy in making dinner, then you should make it yourself. If you need help from others, then you should include others. If others need help from you, then you should help. If you hate cooking, then dump a can of beans on toast (Andyโs post, btw), serve with some baby carrots and call it a day. There is no one way to do this โ every family is different, every situation is different, and I try my best to recognize and respect that. SECOND: ย I believe deeply in the idea that nobody should be made to feel bad about the way he or she approaches family dinner โ or whether they can pull it off at all. I do this blog because I enjoy cooking, and I enjoy helping people whoย wantย to make it happen. If my tone here ever makes anyone feel anxious or guilty or less-than, if I ever sound condescending, then Iโm failing in what Iโm trying to accomplish, and you guys need to let me know about it. I take this kind of criticism seriously, and I rely on you to keep me honest. Anyway, give it a read and let me know what you think.
The bottom line is, you can assume I agree withย Luisaย and Katie.
Onward! What else:
Abby, my almost 11-year-old, is absolutely tearing through this book right now.
100 Rules of Dinnerย Re-posting. Just cause.
Is there anything better than when Catherine Newman โthinks out loud?โ
โInside the Biggest Ever Hedge Fund Scandalโย A profile of Steven A. Cohen that reads like a John Grisham novel.
Locals: Stone Barns Center still has a few slots open in their Little Cooks and Gardenerโs Program. My girls did one of these a while ago and weโve been dining out on the buttermilk ranch dressing they learned to make there ever since.
Masterchef Junior Season 2 The DVR is already set.
Grain Bowls:ย I could eat like this every day.
How do you raise kids who areย The Opposite of Spoiled? I intend to find out.
Cooking Fast and Slow: A conversation betweenย Mark Bittman and Mario Bataliย at the 92nd St Y this Sunday.ย Tickets are still available.
Ice Cream Hacksย I canโt believe how much I love this. (Meanwhile: The ice cream sandwich cake reminded me of another classic cheat: ravioli lasagna.)
Another smart birthday party idea.
Iโm a year late on this one, but these Fashion Icon Halloween costumes for kids cracked me up. (Anna Wintour!)
OMG,ย Malala!
Lastly, I had the great pleasure of hearing Lena Dunham read from her new book Not That Kind of Girlย in Boston last week. At the end, when she and Mary Karr, who was interviewing her, took questions from the audience, someone asked, โIโm a second grade teacher and was wondering if you had any advice for inspiring girls, and for teaching them to be confident.โ I canโt remember the first part of her answer, but eventually Dunham emphasized the need for girls, and women, to have each otherโs backs, and demanded we go home and google โShine Theory.โ I did what I was told.ย Please read it if you havenโt already. Itโs a good reminder for everyone, not just second-grade girls.
The article protesteth too much. Your blog and your books are at the top of my โrecommendโ list for families wanting to do better at dinner and not knowing how. Donโt change a thing.
Itโs such a hard subject. I love to cook and there are nights where I just donโt feel like doing it, but I do because I feel like I should. My husband will always say why? Donโt cook if you donโt want to, but I do put that pressure on myself. I will say there is one blog (not yours) that I donโt read anymore because the person is always making everything from scratch Tortillas, wraps, rolls, pasta etc. I just donโt like that persons POV so I stopped reading it. Life is a balance, but we shouldnโt judge what others do or donโt do.
The reason I came to your blog this morning is because I am already dreading cooking tonight so I was looking for some suggestions from you.
GAH I have so many feelings that I donโt even know where to start. First of all, I read your book almost every night before falling asleep. I am a career woman that loves to cook, especially for people that I love, and nothing makes me more excited than thinking about cooking for my kids one day. Your book is like a grown-upโs fairy tale: smart, realistic, but full of uplifting points about what really matters in life. I fall asleep at night after reading a few chapters happy, full of thoughts of family and food and work and marriage and a perfectly imperfect life full of love. I canโt tell you how much of a resource your book has been to me as a young professional woman who is excited to balance work and family with a sense of humor and lots of delicious pots of braising goodness.
So, my experience with your writing being said, please rest assured that you never, ever come off as condescending. Exactly the opposite. And, Iโm sorry, the fact that Ms. Heffernan didnโt notice that Andy is a regular contributor to this site and a major shoulder-er of the cooking burden is simply lazy journalism. It seems to me that she had a point to make and simply forced her sources to fit her points. And, that is not nice. Do I agree that the whole โeverything-is-killing-us-and-our-childrenโ health craze is pretty ridiculous? Yes. But, you should have never, ever been included in that round-up. If it makes you feel better, it seems to me that, despite her grumpiness, she couldnโt help but be enamored by you and your wonderful recipes (and I agree with others that you should totally take, and flaunt, that โhigh priestess of family cookingโ title). Keep up the good work, Jenny โ the haters gonna hate, but you are doing incredible work and literally blazing trails on the daily. You rock!
Iโd like to respond to anonโs comment, number 51. We wouldnโt read this blog for inspiration if it wasnโt inspiring. Can you imagine logging on to find, โWasnโt feelinโ it today, people, weโre ordering pizza and you should too.โ Maybe thatโs more realistic but not anything I want to read. I love to cook when I have time, money, and energy. Which means I love to cook once a week. The other 3-4 times I tolerate cooking, I get satisfaction out of cooking, etc. A LOT of us work outside the home, juggle elderly parents and kids and soccer and whatnot. I canโt cook involved things every day. But until I can afford to pay someone to cook healthy meals for us I will always look for faster, easier, simpler, tastier things to make, and I find a lot of that here. Your job, Anon, is obviously important to you or you wouldnโt work so hard at itโ and I admire that you donโt want to sacrifice home cooking for it. But you have to admit that itโs all about choices. Itโs like looking at the mechanicโs family and saying, โyou have no idea how easy you have it, you never have to pay for car repairs.โ Jenny has it โeasyโ like that, as she has a cooking blog and is a food writer and cook and therefore itโs a bit easier for her to make cooking look easy. Maybe you could get Jenny to write a deposition for you to even things up. I by no means say that to be snarky; this subject has been much discussed this week at my job (where I have about 150 female coworkers, about 30 male), with some people agreeing with VH and others championing cooking as a necessary life skill, just like other life skills (changing the oil, re-wiring a lamp, etc). I tell my husband all the time that in my next life I will be married to someone a lot more useful, like an electrician or carpenter, but in truth I would โsettleโ for an Andy, as my husband turns the kitchen upside down making ramen, I swear. (It begs the question though: for the record my husband is really really good at telling jokes, so he makes an excellent dinner guest). Have a great weekend all.
I grew up determined never to learn to cook. My mom had nine children, and spent most of her time in the kitchen. I married a man who loved to cookโyay for me! An even better gift than all the great meals he made me was how his cooking showed me that you could cook and NOT sacrifice any other part of your life.
Now I love to cook. I just linked to your site, Jenny, as one of a handful that have been my companions & teachers in the kitchen. I share this quote with my three sons who are all learning their way around a kitchen: โTaking care of yourself by cooking is as much a part of life as taking care of yourself by eating.โ-Christopher Alexander
My book club read your DALS bookโ(how many cookbooks make for a great read?!) and some who work from home were amazed at your stories of rushing to the train to get home for dinner, and some who work full-time outside the home were simply thrilled to find easy tips. Your site couldnโt be more inclusive and less judgment.
Iโm mostly annoyed that the author of that NYT piece will get tons of attention/comments because she chose to attack such well-loved writers. Please continue to share what works for you, knowing weโll take what might work for us, leave what wonโt, and enjoy the writing either way.
Chiming in here to add to the above comments supporting you and telling you how much I love reading your blogโฆโฆ.my kids are grown so we donโt do family dinners but I still love your blogโฆโฆyou write with great humor and I wish you had been around writing a blog and books โa fewโ years ago when I was struggling to feed my children! This Virginia person should not read family cookbooks if she does not want to cook!โฆ.duh!โฆโฆthat is the purpose of โcook booksโ!โฆโฆactually I donโt really think she even read yours as she would know your husband does his share of the cooking. I agree with one commenter about being surprised the NYTimes printed this vengeful articleโฆ..I do see many negative comments on the article. I was tempted to comment myself and tell her not to go to your husband to get any books published!!โฆโฆas โapparentlyโ she is a writerโฆ..but a very bitter one!โฆโฆtalk about starting mommy warsโฆโฆwonder what she thinks of stay at home moms!!?โฆโฆ.I fear to ask!โฆโฆ..hey, I love all momsโฆ..those who work and those who stay at home!โฆโฆMoms Rock!!โฆโฆwell so do Dadsโฆ.(:
I am not keeping up with my Feedly at all! So I just read this and then went ahead and read her, rant, or whatever that was. She was paid money to write that. She was probably provided with copies of the books she mentions as part of this paid gig. No one can make her feel guilty about her lack of interest in cooking but herself. If she doesnโt want to cook that is fine. But to be paid to write that? What a waste. I did some snorts at all the comments (close to 500 now in total!) suggesting cookbooks or to make this or that via scracth. They clearly didnโt get it. She wants to be validated in her desire to continue following the method of cooking that was popular in the 80โs. FTR, I was born and raised by 2 working parents in the 80โs and cream of xzy soups were not common, nor was frozen premade crap. They cooked because that is what they were raised on. Home cooked meals. Dining out was a treat and that included pizza which was picked up, not delivered. What a waste.
I love your blog and your books and have used many recipes you and your family have shared. She gets it wrong implying that you and alone are cooking for the girls. It is clear to anyone who has ever taken the time knows that Andy plays an active role in all facets of the family/home life there.
I suport you!!
Wowโฆstill reading comments over there. The โno one is my house helps (read: does it my way so I will do it all and resent the world for it)โ whiners are out in force over there too.
I took me exaclty once to understand (nearly 15 years ago) my husband is not me and I am not him and we will never do things the same way. Let it go people! Let.It.Go!!
OK, Iโm going to move on now.
I meant to write this comment a week ago and then got distracted:
I read the first few lines of that article โ up until she started slamming you โ and then I promptly closed it. Her intention to be funny just wasnโt.
I bought your book when it came out a few years ago. I am no Suzie Homemaker, but I found your writing and recipes so accessible that I used it (and your website) all the time, and also bought your book for two friends. Iโm heading over to amazon right now to buy the second. Keep doing what youโre doing!
I read that article and it made me furious. Did she even read your books or your blog? Ignore the ignorant and rock on, I say.
How strange that she lumped you into this article. I JUST started reading your blog last night. As a working mom who resents cooking every single night, Iโm lovinโ this blog! I just saved a bunch of recipes that even I should be able to pull together and my picky daughter will actually eat. Also, I love your writing โ itโs warm and friendly and about as far from condescending as you can get. Keep doing what youโre doing, please! ๐
Wow. The lady doth protest too much, donโt you think?
Angry and defensive for no reason other than her own personal stuff. Donโt worry, Jenny. Youโre loved and supported.